There are times in our lives where we are presented with problems, or circumstances, in which we don't have any control over. My mother in law was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in September of this year. This was not her first go around with breast cancer and we all knew what it meant that it was back again. I have to say, I was honestly shocked at the situation and what we were all about to face. My father in law was accepting a civilian job in Afghanistan and my fiance, her son, was still finishing out a tour in Japan. We all went about our lives and I planned the wedding and things were just normal.
Then, last Wednesday happened. I got the call that my mother in law was headed to the hospital and ICU nonetheless. I knew things hadn't been all smiles and rainbows and that the cancer had been progressing fairly quickly. But as i was planning a wedding and coordinating a move that just went to the back of my mind. That was, until I got the call she was in the hospital. I made sure I visited everyday she was at the hospital and it was worth every minute of. Things went downhill so quickly, and before I knew it, everyone began talking about hospice care, Red Cross messages and getting our boys home as soon as possible as my mother in law has only days to weeks left to live. It's a shock to have death in your face so suddenly and I didn't know how to face it. Just these past few days, I was asked to postpone my wedding, which has already been postponed 3 times before, and was told to get the focus on making my mother in law happy and comfortable before her time on Earth is over.
The thing is, and the tough part about all of this, my fiance is coming home. I should be completely happy and yet I can't. I am sad he has to come and face all of this. I have anxiety attacks over it, so I can only imagine what it will be like to see the shock of his ailing mother. I should be happy that one day him and I will be able to have our dream wedding. Instead, I was at my final dress fitting today and had my dress on and the reality is, I am not sure when I will get to wear this dress. It's hard to be happy about the future because the present is so uncertain. I am having a hard time coping with everything God has presented me. Forrest Gump said " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." and that couldn't be more true. I have no idea where this road is going to take me, I am not sure what is going to happen when my mother in law passes away. All I know is that, in a few weeks, I have to pack up all my things and make a 2,000 mile journey with my new husband, who will also most likely be mourning the loss of his mother, and keep it together. I have to be the strong one, and truth be told, I need help. I am not even sure how I am going to make it through this. All I can do is try and keep my chin up and support my family in all of this.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
A Survivor's Story.....
I don't mean to burst your bubble, this isn't about surviving something horrific or anything like that. Not even about battling cancer, but it's something I know that people can relate to. I've been thinking a lot about the past two years, how quickly they've gone by and everything that has happened....
This time, almost exactly 2 years ago, I remember being so excited for a homecoming. That of my boyfriend who I hadn't even seen in YEARS. Coming home from North Carolina after engineer school for the Marines. Talk about being a NERVOUS WRECK! Him being home was amazing, but short-lived because he had to head off to Japan. Let's fast forward a bit to this time last year.... Another homecoming, this one much more dramatic than the last, because I had survived a 7 month deployment to Afghanistan. My now fiance was home safely! Again, another short lived trip home and he was back to Japan. Now it's the present, and I am 9 days away from my soon to be husband coming home for good.
You never know what you are capable of doing until you actually do it. i would have never thought I would be this good at a long distance relationship. Two years in Japan, and a tour to Afghanistan have not been the easiest to overcome. Those of you reading who have been through much, much more than this, I commend you. But that fact is, we have all survived being away from our loved ones and it's a challenge that we all had to face at some point. Being a military spouse is so not easy and it certainly is not for everyone. It takes more courage than I ever thought I had, and I can't believe I SURVIVED.
Chances are, this won't be the last time I am away from him, but for now I made it through the longest time being away from someone I had ever had to deal with. I did it because I love my fiance, and no it's not easy to do it, but I do and that's what matters. Don't come up to me and tell me you know how it is unless you are a fellow military spouse, cause you really don't. And don't ask me how I can do it, because the real question is HOW COULD I NOT?
Joshua Shakeshaft, I love you so much! 12/21/11
This time, almost exactly 2 years ago, I remember being so excited for a homecoming. That of my boyfriend who I hadn't even seen in YEARS. Coming home from North Carolina after engineer school for the Marines. Talk about being a NERVOUS WRECK! Him being home was amazing, but short-lived because he had to head off to Japan. Let's fast forward a bit to this time last year.... Another homecoming, this one much more dramatic than the last, because I had survived a 7 month deployment to Afghanistan. My now fiance was home safely! Again, another short lived trip home and he was back to Japan. Now it's the present, and I am 9 days away from my soon to be husband coming home for good.
You never know what you are capable of doing until you actually do it. i would have never thought I would be this good at a long distance relationship. Two years in Japan, and a tour to Afghanistan have not been the easiest to overcome. Those of you reading who have been through much, much more than this, I commend you. But that fact is, we have all survived being away from our loved ones and it's a challenge that we all had to face at some point. Being a military spouse is so not easy and it certainly is not for everyone. It takes more courage than I ever thought I had, and I can't believe I SURVIVED.
Chances are, this won't be the last time I am away from him, but for now I made it through the longest time being away from someone I had ever had to deal with. I did it because I love my fiance, and no it's not easy to do it, but I do and that's what matters. Don't come up to me and tell me you know how it is unless you are a fellow military spouse, cause you really don't. And don't ask me how I can do it, because the real question is HOW COULD I NOT?
Joshua Shakeshaft, I love you so much! 12/21/11
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I do.
There are like 3 tangents I could go off on before I even start this blog and list my reasons of why no one should ever get divorced, and honestly, I think you have to hear at least two to understand where I am coming from. Are you ready? Okay!
Okay, so the first is that I am a court transcriber and recently I have had to type up and listen to a few court cases that involve divorces. All sorts of divorces... Nice ones, Military ones, and pure NASTY ones. People are god AWFUL, and yet it makes me laugh!
TWO, I was just watching Teen Mom 2 ( which will be whole other blog at a different date and time) and it was last season's finale with the wedding of Leah and Corey. If you don't follow this, they are divorced now! WTF? Really. And it's not just them in reality TV who have gotten divorced recently, we can add Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, and anyone else you can think of while you are reading this you can add in your head.
ANYWAYS... The point of this is why get divorced?! Or if you don't think it's going to work, why even get married? This is pure common sense, and I think these days people are getting married because of the social stigma ( or money depending on who you are) more than actually loving the person they are with. I am getting married in 2 and half weeks and I must say I am so excited. We work as a team and he's seriously my BEST FRIEND. That's how it should be. Following are several reasons you should not get married are reasons people get divorced:
1. Your Spouse is Suicidal or Homocidal: Yes, I have done a transcript about this. If your spouse is either one of/ both of these. RED EFFIN' FLAG.
2. Money: If you are marrying someone for their money you might as well jsut sign the divorce papers along with your marriage license.
3. Military: Oh goodness, don't marry someone just because they are in the military. You have no idea what you are doing. If you love them and they happen to be in the military, go for it <3
Getting divorces are costly people, it's not worth it, and it's selfish! I've listened to enough cases to know that things get nasty, people don't like to share and you are bound to be worse off than you were before. Wait for the right person to come along and enjoy your marriage. Seriously.
Okay, so the first is that I am a court transcriber and recently I have had to type up and listen to a few court cases that involve divorces. All sorts of divorces... Nice ones, Military ones, and pure NASTY ones. People are god AWFUL, and yet it makes me laugh!
TWO, I was just watching Teen Mom 2 ( which will be whole other blog at a different date and time) and it was last season's finale with the wedding of Leah and Corey. If you don't follow this, they are divorced now! WTF? Really. And it's not just them in reality TV who have gotten divorced recently, we can add Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, and anyone else you can think of while you are reading this you can add in your head.
ANYWAYS... The point of this is why get divorced?! Or if you don't think it's going to work, why even get married? This is pure common sense, and I think these days people are getting married because of the social stigma ( or money depending on who you are) more than actually loving the person they are with. I am getting married in 2 and half weeks and I must say I am so excited. We work as a team and he's seriously my BEST FRIEND. That's how it should be. Following are several reasons you should not get married are reasons people get divorced:
1. Your Spouse is Suicidal or Homocidal: Yes, I have done a transcript about this. If your spouse is either one of/ both of these. RED EFFIN' FLAG.
2. Money: If you are marrying someone for their money you might as well jsut sign the divorce papers along with your marriage license.
3. Military: Oh goodness, don't marry someone just because they are in the military. You have no idea what you are doing. If you love them and they happen to be in the military, go for it <3
Getting divorces are costly people, it's not worth it, and it's selfish! I've listened to enough cases to know that things get nasty, people don't like to share and you are bound to be worse off than you were before. Wait for the right person to come along and enjoy your marriage. Seriously.
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