There are times in our lives where we are presented with problems, or circumstances, in which we don't have any control over. My mother in law was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in September of this year. This was not her first go around with breast cancer and we all knew what it meant that it was back again. I have to say, I was honestly shocked at the situation and what we were all about to face. My father in law was accepting a civilian job in Afghanistan and my fiance, her son, was still finishing out a tour in Japan. We all went about our lives and I planned the wedding and things were just normal.
Then, last Wednesday happened. I got the call that my mother in law was headed to the hospital and ICU nonetheless. I knew things hadn't been all smiles and rainbows and that the cancer had been progressing fairly quickly. But as i was planning a wedding and coordinating a move that just went to the back of my mind. That was, until I got the call she was in the hospital. I made sure I visited everyday she was at the hospital and it was worth every minute of. Things went downhill so quickly, and before I knew it, everyone began talking about hospice care, Red Cross messages and getting our boys home as soon as possible as my mother in law has only days to weeks left to live. It's a shock to have death in your face so suddenly and I didn't know how to face it. Just these past few days, I was asked to postpone my wedding, which has already been postponed 3 times before, and was told to get the focus on making my mother in law happy and comfortable before her time on Earth is over.
The thing is, and the tough part about all of this, my fiance is coming home. I should be completely happy and yet I can't. I am sad he has to come and face all of this. I have anxiety attacks over it, so I can only imagine what it will be like to see the shock of his ailing mother. I should be happy that one day him and I will be able to have our dream wedding. Instead, I was at my final dress fitting today and had my dress on and the reality is, I am not sure when I will get to wear this dress. It's hard to be happy about the future because the present is so uncertain. I am having a hard time coping with everything God has presented me. Forrest Gump said " Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." and that couldn't be more true. I have no idea where this road is going to take me, I am not sure what is going to happen when my mother in law passes away. All I know is that, in a few weeks, I have to pack up all my things and make a 2,000 mile journey with my new husband, who will also most likely be mourning the loss of his mother, and keep it together. I have to be the strong one, and truth be told, I need help. I am not even sure how I am going to make it through this. All I can do is try and keep my chin up and support my family in all of this.
It'll be hard, that much I can say. I got married 6 days after my husband's dad died. He was all set on getting married while he was on emergency leave, though, but we didn't have any of it planned out and he chose to hide it from his mother (his parents were divorced) so there was the chaos of her finding out as well. It will likely be a lot of stress at first between the move and trying to help be supportive towards him as well, but you can do it! You've got your friends and your family behind you! Nobody ever said that any of it would ever be easy, and by golly, it won't be by any means. But that's all part of being a military spouse!
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